Today is my uncle's birthday and he has been dreading it. Turning sixty sucks but his demeanor this morning through the afternoon has seemed so positive that I think he is grateful to have friends and family recognize and remember him. I, on the other hand, think that turning 32 will actually be fun. I don't know why. I think that if I like the number and it sounds okay then I am not scared of it. Thirty sounded so harsh and abrasive and at thirty-one, I was still recovering. At least I have a little over six months left until I get celebrated. My anxiety has still been pretty awful. Whenever I think about my book and finishing it, I get terrified. I was accepted to grad school for a reason so why do I always believe the worst in myself? I think that it is easier to accept failure over success because it is almost like an "I knew it" moment. But what happened if we replaced those feelings with positive feelings? I have led people to tears upon hearing some of writing so why is it so hard to believe that I can have the same impact all over the world?
Much Love,
Mandi
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