February 15th, 2015

I hope that you all had a somewhat fruitful Valentine's Day. I feel like even if you have a significant other, this is a holiday that should be spent with friends. So, for all of you who took that route, I applaud you. *We cannot forget to wish Rob Thomas a happy 43rd birthday!) In the North, we were preparing for another snowstorm so the #biff and I (thank you Kirsten Storms for the fabulous word) went back and forth about what to do. I finally decided to go over to his house for an hour so we could at least see each other and exchange gifts.
I could be the best on-a-budget gift giver as I gifted him with a plaid shirt, a package of tank tops, a "Seinfeld" trivia book and an Everlast CD. Best part was that I didn't break the bank though he could be reading this now so I cannot reveal my secrets. He, in return, gave me a Sapphire (my birthstone) Alex and Ani bracelet to match a necklace he had gotten me for my birthday and a bouquet of flowers, not roses, thank God. I am not a rose person in any way, shape or form though I'd never refuse them. It was a fun time until I went to my car and saw that the snow was piling up. It just could not wait an extra few minutes. It has been a very chill weekend which is what I needed after running around like a chicken with my head cut off in Florida. This hotel, that hotel, Grandma's condo...oy! My mind is still spinning from that whole obli-cation and I am honestly happy to be home. Not happy to see the snow but happy that I can just sit and sleep in my own bed and only switch places if I choose to do so. I went to bed a little earlier yesterday as cold weather makes me hibernate and woke up to a panic attack. I have anxiety, which I take medication for but sometimes the anxiety/panic just overtakes me. I started to think it was related to PMS but it felt different. From 2-430a.m., I could not stop rushing around my room looking for random crap. A phone case I bought months ago that I never used. Where did it go? I had to know. I finally fell asleep and woke up feeling okay. Then, as the day went on, I got anxious again. What was going on? I took a short nap and when I awoke, again I felt better but then I said something about writing my memoir and then...anxiety central. My book I am writing for grad school needs maybe two or three more chapters and then it can be polished. I got scared because something that I had poured my heart and tears into was almost done and people would read it and what if it sucked? What if no one wanted to buy it? What if no one wanted to publish it? So, now I know what my trigger is. Let's never talk about this memoir again until Random House (are they still around?) is bidding for it, okay?

Much Love,
Mandi