Current Mood: Cold
Song of the Day: "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson
This cold weather makes me want to rage. The irony of it all is that I'm so fucking cold that I don't have the energy to get up and rage. I just want to cuddle in my bed with my kitties and drink hot coffee and watch bad television and count down the days until Spring. I'm rushing my life by living on the East Coast and even though I have lived in the South and enjoyed it immensely, I cannot bring myself to pack my shit up and just go. Go to the warmth. Maybe I am still looking for my inner warmth before I can enjoy the outside. The sun is my best friend as it provides me with vitamins and happiness. Being able to walk outside at 7p.m. with a glimmer of sun still in the colorful sky is one of the most precious feelings that we all take for granted.
I vow to walk outside every warm night from Spring to Autumn and thank the angels for the breaths of fresh, peaceful air that I can take in. I will forget what it is contaminated with and just focus on the moments. That is what I need to do more; I think we all do. We have to focus on the here and now and not the shoes we cannot buy in a week or the bill that we may have to negotiate. It's right now that we are alive and we will never have this solitary moment again. Admittedly, I won't take my own advice because I am stubborn but maybe, just maybe some of what I preach will stick in my head. I am trying and I guess that is all that we can do. I still believe anything is possible; I'm not jaded which is pretty good for someone who has seen such sadness and heart string tugging.
When my mom tells me that she is too old to start over, I disagree and not respectfully. I think that it is never too late to find your passion and pursue it and create a happy end of days. If she lives for another 30 years (40 would be ideal), I believe that the opportunities are truly endless. Then she will have to counteract that notion with the fact that I am still "young" but in some countries I am considered dried up and a spinster. I am 31, I don't have kids, I am not married, I am still in school and my job can go at any time but I still have blind faith in what is to come. My mom is an amazing baker and I remind her that she has to keep perfecting her goodies so that when I am a published author, I can employee her to cook for my events. Plus, I will need someone to make sure I get to where I need to go on time and matching seeing that I am colorblind.
Tonight, I ask all of you to think about your dreams and remember that nothing is impossible. Nothing! If I can survive all the bullshit and still be standing then you can too.
Much Love,
Mandi
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