January 14th, 2015

Inner Idol(s): Da Chen
Current Mood: chill
Song of the Day: "Cool Kids" by Taylor Phelan (The Voice) 

It does not matter the type of relationships that we have with our grandparents, what matters is the memories that they leave us with. Many are not fortunate enough to meet their grandparents as I never met my grandfathers but I had two grandmas. My Grammy was my dad's mom and my angel who passed when I was eight. My Grandma is my mom's mom who turned 96 on January 5th. She and I don't have a super tight relationship; all she cares about is her teacups that she has made for decades. But when I have been in a jam, we all know that she will give you her last dollar. She has helped me when I was in a panic over car insurance in my twenties and when I needed glasses in my teens. Granted, I made sure to pay her back and always find nice little things for her but I wish we had been closer. I wish that we had more in common.
As the days pass, it seems as though age is catching up to her and that is pretty scary to me. I never thought I would think much of it when she passed considering she has lived a very long time. But the thought of watching her grow older and die in front of me is one of the scariest thoughts I have has in a while. My Grammy, whom I adored, was kind enough to pass away when I was living in another state so I only remember the good times. Plus, I was so darn young. Grandma lives in another state as well but I see her almost every year and every time I see her, I never know if it will be the last. When I talk to her on the phone, sometimes I realize that she is older and that, in many ways, she is suffering. She cannot just say "hey, I'm over living; let me go." But watching her fade is a lot harder than I would have thought. She is very prudish and never curses so the big joke was that when she was getting ready to pass, she would start cursing up a storm. That's at least how I envisioned her getting ready to go. I only hope that when I go see her in a few weeks, I am left with a happy memory in case something does happen. Clearly I have one potent memory of Grandma as I named this blog after her. We used to rock in my rocking chair and she would look out the window and point to the moon. "That's Mandi's moon," she would say as she continued to rock. Sometimes she will still ask me if I remember what the moon was called when I was little. That moon will always be mine but I share it with her. 

Much Love,
Mandi